Trashy Vegan Taco Party Plate

I don’t know about you, but my Anglo ass craves a trashy taco. Taco Bell. Tex-Mex. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a legit taco. But I’m talking about that craving. That need for a totally garbage taco. I’ve got a plan for you to bring a mostly veggieless vegan taco to the party for all your friends who do, too.


Your’e gonna need a few elements here, some homemade, and some storebought. There will be the vegan taco “meat,” the homemade cashew cheese, and four other elements which I entirely recommend you just go with. This ain’t a fancy dinner. This is a party dinner to make everyone happy.


1 cup lentils

I cup quinoia

3 cups veggie broth

really trashy taco seasoning like Ortega or Taco Bell (or you can homemake it)

alfalafa spouts

Taco Bell Fire Sauce (yes, I will not compromise)

Morning Star fake bacon

1/2 lb firm tofu

1/2 cup of raw cashews

half a lemon, juiced

3 cloves of roasted garlic

s + p

liberal amount of olive oil

hard taco shells


fry your fake bacon. This is not hard. Make it crispy, and cut it into small pieces

Take your lentils, quinoa, veggie broth, and cook at a very low heat. When the liquid is almost gone, and the quinoa spirals open, add your trashy, trashy taco seasoning. Stir. Really. I recommend Taco Bell. These are nothing near authentic tacos!

Take your cashews and grind them in blender. Add your tofu, lemon juice, salt and pepper to taste, and roasted garlic. Whir them. Add olive oil until it becomes a creamy mix. This is your cashew cheese, and I promise, you will not miss the real thing.

Put your bacon, taco “meat,” cashew cheese, sprouts and Fire sauce on a plate. Let people scoop it up. They will not be disappointed. YOU will not be disappointed. Fake-ass tacos are all about the cravings, so please lean into them. This is not a sophisticated recipe by any means, it’s one about hitting those cravings while doing good for your body. Enjoy the heck out of it.

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